We were never meant to do this alone…

Once, when I was in college I thought I was going to drown. The world tumbled on top of me, memeories of past traumas were seeping into the cracks of my carefully constructed present self and nothing felt right. It was hard to eat, impossible to sleep, and I didn’t even know where to begin to heal. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I fought hard and tried to maintain the appearance of stability, but that was totally and utterly futile. One day, after a dance class, my professor came to and said “we were never meant to do this alone.” It was something a close friend had said to her in a time of great need. Something inside of me finally shattered. This idea that I had to be enough all the time by myself. That I had to be so self sufficient that I don’t need anyone to support me in any way.

we were never meant to do this alone.

That is why I teach. That is why I began to open my practice to being with others, and then began to offer what excites me and what little I have gleaned to anyone who is as hungry for wonder and transformation as I am. Thankyou for being a part of that.

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be free from all suffering. May you share your gifts with the world, and may you know your true self in this lifetime.

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Seeds of Transformation

Since I got pregnant it has been difficult to feel inspired by anything other than the work my body is doing at hand. My mind has little space to wander, I feel so focused and pragmatic. I miss feeling inspired and elated by the amazingness of the universe. Well, over the weekend, I heard this report about Moth memory, and it has inspired me all week. I wanted to share with you folks, because if you came to one of my classes this week, here is the actual background to what we talked about, and if you didn’t, you might still want to read about this, it is pretty inspiring.
I have a memory as a little girl of really needing to know what happened inside a cocoon. I imagined, like I think many of us do, that the caterpillar sort of grew a different shell, the sprouted wings and then would fly away when it was fully developed. So, I opened a cocoon. And there was just goo. It was like the caterpillar had melted into mush. Not only was I disappointed not to see a half formed butterfly or moth, I now had to live with the knowledge that I was a murderer.I killed a butterfly. I felt so guilty that I think I repressed this memory until I heard this report about butterflies and moths. What I didn’t know and just learned was that caterpillars and butterflies are actually two organisms in one. The caterpillar literally dies and dissolves into goo, and the butterfly who has totally different DNA turns on. (Eric Carle should definately revamp the Very Hungry Caterpillar with this information in mind!) You can read about the details here.
There are even really sweet illustrations.
So, caterpillars and butterflies are actually two organisms in one with two sets of DNA. The caterpillar dies in the cocoon and the butterfly actually is a new organism….sort of. The second part of this story, is that scientists have done more research to see if these creatures remember anything from their caterpillarhood. And apparently, they do, check it out here.
How do we engage with the process of transformation? Isn’t it sort of terrifying as we move from one state to the next. Where do our memories live? How can we be brave as we engage with this process?
And if you want to hear more about my thoughts as I’ve been mulling all of this over this week, join me in class tonight at Y2b Fit or saturday at Life Sport Fitness.

Expecting

It is getting real, folks. Baby is due in less than a month. Here is my September Schedule until the baby comes. All classes are Vinyasa Yoga unless otherwise marked.

Tuesday 4:45pm-6 pm at Bombay Yoga Co. (Hot Vinyasa), 6:30-7:30 pm at Life Sport Fitness.

Wednesday 7:30-8:30pm at Sweat Fitness, Fitler Square. 

Thursday: 10-11am atLife Sport Fitness. and 5:45-6:45 (Core Flow) at Y2b Fit.

Saturday: 10-11:30am at Life Sport Fitness.

 

Class updates for Fall 2016 in Philadelphia

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My yoga practice began when I was 14. I found a VHS on the shelf and my mom’s yoga mat and started practicing. Soon I was practicing every day. In 2009 I became a 200 hour RYT. I am a vinyasa yoga teacher, and I have been teaching ever since. First in Philadelphia and for the past 3 years in Casablanca, Morocco. I teach Vinyasa Yoga, AIR Yogalates (Aerial Yoga), lead AcroYoga JAMs and am a Pilates apprentice at Drexel Pilates. I hold a Bachelors in Fine Arts in Dance (2012), and am a Licensed Massage Therapist*. I moved back from Morocco in May of 2016 my husband and cat. In my group classes I offer creative sequences built with the logic of traditional hatha yoga practice. I love to use play and flow as well as proper alignment and draw from many sources to inspire the practice. Check out my facebook and instagram to find out more about my group classes and adventures!

Pilates and Yoga Privates!!!!!!!

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Cultivate your yoga practice

My teaching is deeply rooted in my own practice and study of Ashtanga based Vinyasa yoga as well as other somatic forms. Vinyasa uses a steady breath cycle that calms the mind and helps the student to focus on the present moment. The flow increases circulation and adds a cardiovascular element that purifies the body. The sequences of poses increase flexability and strength.

In private sessions we can explore the aspect of practice that you want. Weather that is stress relief, a chronic pain, or soul searching. Your yoga belongs to you, it is dependent on no one else, and my deepest wish is to facilitate your exploration of your own personal yoga practice. Yoga is a transformative and healing journey.

 

Private mat Pilates in your home

Pilates is a method of training the body using a series of excercises utilizing concentration, control, center, flow, precision, and breathing to strengthen, streatch and align the body. Pilates one on one allows you to unwind an realign your unique body. The process is therapeutic and rewarding. These lessons can be tailored to pretty much anyone, because they are made to suit anybody at any fitness level, age and ability.

In Morocco I taught Pilates (due to a lack of qualified teachers and a great interest) for 3 years. I am now formalising my teacher training at Drexel Pilates. In studying Pilates I found alignment, a sense of center, strength and healing. I use my knowlege as a licensed massage therapist, yoga teacher, dancer and pilates apprentice to support you in your somatic explorations.

Girl talk/stillness/ramblings

 

In our society we value the ability to get over things quickly. When something bad happens we immediately say, no it’s ok, don’t worry about me. Especially women (men, I believe aren’t even asked about what is wrong or allowed to go into it. Some don’t want to. I do not understand exactly why, though I can conjecture. While I think that some of this truly is personal preference regarding the way we all deal with trauma and grief differently, there is certainly also a societal standard put on men that is well documented and noted by many.) I have had countless conversations with friends who have expressed frustration with parents and loved ones who want to find the solution so quickly that they forget to take a moment to honour the grief and pain that resides within traumatic experiences. I also like to just get through it, and get to the other side

For me, when I am PMSing, the frustration and grief can become overwhelming. It can make even the slightest imposition or snarky remark feel deeply personal and unpleasant. So, frustrating. Magnesium supplements, I have found, have helped me to chill out a bit with those feelings. I have also tried anti-depressants at times, the right does of the right medication I found did wonders for me when I needed to no longer feel like the world was coming to an end. No matter how much a cajoled myself, be still, Ego, my love, be still. I love you. It is ok, it isn’t just about you. Take a breath, we are going to be ok. Usually this time is evident because of these feelings, double check the calendar and here we are, about four days to go. These are the moments when our practice is tested and utilised, right? The moments when we call upon our strongest highest selves to surmount all the negativity and frustration. But, this week has been one where glazing over the pain and just moving on never seemed to work. Everything went wrong or felt wrong. But, maybe that is actually just right.

After an insane morning that I don’t need to describe because I am sure that you have had one of those mornings where nothing goes right: the dog eats your homework for real. I couldn’t even settle into my own practice. But,I pushed through a practice anyway, mostly floating on the edges of each asana, managed to sit still through a minute of savasana before the devoirs (must dos) pulled me away and back to “adulting.” After putting out a few domestic fires in the afternoon and deciding not to push myself to my physical or emotional limits, I made my way home and decided today I needed to have no where to be.

Finding some quiet space, I gave over to the sounds of youtube in hopes of having someone else lead me into a more fulfilling somatic experience. The barre class began well for me. I got warm, moved, found my psoas, and then about a third of the way through I paused. I had to sit. Be still. My scar tissue was aflame in my pelvis (not with pain but with feeling). Tears were welling up in my eyes. Be still. And so I was. Being in my pelvis, this juncture I have been trying to “fix” for the past two years now after an attempted robbery turned into an assault on the streets of Casablanca. Be still. And so I was. I found the rivers of connective tissue running around and across my sacrum, rolled the bowl of my pelvis across the earth, shifting its contents first north to south then east to west. Tears still pressing to my eyes. And in this moment there was a sigh, not a complete release, but a sigh. There, now. 

Perhaps this is the reason many women become so sensitive and aware of their frustrations at this time before we bleed. Perhaps this is the moment when we get to let go of all those things that are so pent up inside for so many days. The things we just let slide off our backs, the little trespasses and cruel gestures that we “didn’t let get to us”. This time when everything seems so personal and jarring is a gift. A time to turn in and release. In the same way that in autumn the trees allow their leaves to drop to the earth and are bare, vulnerable and focusing internally we prepare and shed and feel all the raw feelings that didn’t leave with a hopeful exhalation. This is our autumn as women. You are a deciduous beast, and now it is time for you to to prepare to shed what is not needed. So, this dreadful PMS or PMDD, should you be one who experiences such things, can serve you. Can be a time for you to be with you. To take care of you. To cry or rage and scream because things are not ok sometimes. This time is a tool to let go of those poisonous things that threaten you. Use it to your health instead of being fooled into thinking it is a sign of your own weakness.